Perimenopause; the first time I read that word I thought, ‘sounds delicious! I’ll have two.’
I envisioned a wine glass; a small umbrella, orange and alluring, and a wedge of lime rooted firmly into the rim. “I’ll have two Perimenopauses please, with a dash of lemon!”
Turns out that I didn’t even have to leave the house to get a‘Perimenopause,’ without the dash of lemon or anything else. Perimenopause found me all by itself. Aren’t I the lucky one? Wherever there is perimenopause, there is destruction and turmoil.
There was a time in my life when my head hit the pillow and I was asleep, out like a light. I never knew what a gift that was, then I hit my forties, and in unwilling hours of wakefulness, I appreciated that lost gift. Tired but unable to sleep was a brand new experience for me. I like trying new things, but this just isn’t my bag. A bed is for sleeping in! Thank you perimenopause.
My social life as a teenager was, how shall I put this, on a par with the current economy? I was in a social ‘slump’ from the ages of thirteen to eighteen. It wasn’t because I was not an enjoyable character, I am a fun gal! This ‘slump’ was self-imposed, due to an abundance of pimples! Guess what? They’re back! Hurray and thank you perimenopause.
Never hot, but roasting alive, never cold, but freezing my butt off; Who needs heating or air conditioning? Not me! Except in those moments where I might spontaneously combust or turn into a solid block of ice. I’ll be easy to recognize though, I’ll be the pair of slightly scorched ankles, still in the shoes, or I’ll be the transparent cold block with a human like form inside. Thank you perimenopause.
I’ve fallen asleep twice writing this, felt down right depressed in paragraph two, was afraid to sneeze in case I did something childish by paragraph three, bawling my eyes out by the time I got to paragraph four, I’ve gone to the bathroom in a hurry five times, twenty eight days is now twenty something and if anyone mentions mood swings I’ll throttle them! I don’t have mood swings, I have vengeance! Thank you perimenopause.
The good news; pimples will be disappear and be replaced by wrinkles, twenty something days will be infinity and I’ll weigh less because of a loss of bone density. Are we there yet?
Thank you perimenopause.