Explicit Directions

Christmas 2012 012

White frosting and coconut covered land mine. As Martha Stewart might say, “It’s a beautiful thing.”

I can read, I can write, but sometimes I have great difficulty following directions, especially those written on the back of cake or brownie mixes.

For years I have retained the title of worst brownie maker on the planet, a title well-earned and greatly deserved. I bought the box mix that came with a little sachet/bag of Hershey’s chocolate syrup.

Nowhere, and I stress NOWHERE on the box directions does it say, “Now add the Hershey’s syrup.” For years, now going on two decades, I have been throwing away those little baggies of Hershey’s chocolate syrup thinking it was a free sample. The brownies were of the consistency and flavor of chocolate flavored shoe leather.

This week I baked a french vanilla and white cake with a seven minute frosting. NOWHERE and I stress again, NOWHERE on the box did it say, “Now divide the mixture into two round pans. So I bought two boxes, and poured one each into the round pans. What I ended up with was a coconut white frosting covered land mine. And it was delicious.

It’s a good thing I wasn’t attempting to make Schweddy Balls! It’s been years since I’ve seen beautiful Schweddy balls.

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9 thoughts on “Explicit Directions

  1. Oh Loretto I love coconut covered land mines! But nobody makes them around here. Just my luck that the only coconut covered land mine maker lives in Connecticut.
    I loved this. I once tried to make custard for cream puffs and to this day I don’t know what I did wrong but, after leaving it to cool overnight with the spoon in the mixing bowl, it turned to cement. Trying to get the spoon out was like trying to pull Excalibur from the stone. I had to throw the whole thing out, bowl and spoon.
    I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the comedian Brian Regan ( of Irish descent by the way ) but he does a great bit on cooking Pop Tarts. Here’s the link http://tinyurl.com/cdlqkoa. He starts talking about Pop Tarts at 17:46 into the video. Very funny guy.
    Warmth and affection

  2. I sympathize with the brownie title. I can never make a good brownie. Michaels mom swears by the recipe on the back of Bakers Chocolate. Now I have to learn to make coconut covered land mines

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