The Irish have a unique way with words. Some have dubbed our colloquialisms “doublespeak-doublethink.” You’ll have to do double the work to figure out what we’re talking about. So, you think you are Irish? Let’s see how Irish you are.
1. When a friend says his “back teeth are floating” it means…
a. His dentures have come unglued.
b. He is inebriated.
c. He needs to pee.
d. His dentures have fallen into the River Shannon and are floating.
2. If your friend says she “gave it welly”…it means…
a. She has donated her goulashes.
b. She meant to say “jelly” but because her back teeth float she has trouble with her “w’s”
c. She gave it full effort.
d. She kicked someone or something.
3. “Eat up, you’re at your aunties” means……
a. Don’t be rude while visiting your aunt’s house for supper.
b. Your aunt doesn’t like washing dishes.
c. Your aunt is a gourmet chef.
d. Take full advantage of the free food and eat as much as you can.
4. If someone tells you they could “Eat a child’s arse through a chair”….
a. They are part of a circus act.
b. They are starving with the hunger.
c. They are challenging you to an eat-off!
d. They are from a remote Island where children’s arses are considered a delicacy.
5. If someone tells you they could “Eat a farmer’s arse through a ditch”…
a. They are trying to one-up the person in #4
b. They like tougher cuts of meat.
c. They are from South Tipp.
d. They are challenging the indigenous migrant from a remote Island who has just moved in next door.
6. If someone asks you “How’s she cutting?” It really means…
a. Is the new female barber doing a good job?
b. How are things with you?
c. Is the wife doing a good job carving the turkey you won at bingo?
d. They want an in-depth analysis of how the hairdresser actually cuts hair.
7. “Now you’re sucking diesel…” means
a. You are addicted to drinking diesel.
b. You are part man-part tractor.
c. You are doing a fantastic job.
d. You have partnered with Walter White and the secret ingredient to Blue Crystal Meth is Irish diesel filtered by the human digestive system.
8. If someone says they will, “Give you the back of their hand” it means…
a. They will slap you.
b. They are promising to donate their body parts to you.
c. The are part of a secret organization called The Back of the Hand.
d. They live next door to the indigenous migrant from a remote Island in #4 who is loosing weight because his diet is not providing enough meat and the farmer next door to him won’t share food.
9. “You’d find more meat on a tinker’s stick,” means…..
a. Irish philosophers, tinkers, use their canes to collect meat. (The Irish have trouble pronouncing the “th” sound)
b. Someone is very thin…….or is that “tin?”
c. The guy from #4 is jealous of the Irish philosopher who just moved in next door who has more meat than he does.
d. Irish philosophers like to brag about their manhood.
10. “Níl aon tinteán mar do thinteán féin”, or, “There’s no hearth like your own hearth,” which really means…
a. What is a “hearth?”
b. Someone can’t spell the word Pulmonary correctly and decided to use hearth instead.
c. There’s no place like home.
d. The ejit in #1 has lost his dentures in the Shannon again and is now talking funny about his heart.
This quiz was inspired by Just How British are You?
“We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.”
– Winston Churchill